Hearts aflame with protest.

I was called to speak in meeting today, but somehow I didn’t. It was only a small point but it was trying to get out, so here it is.

A Friend spoke in meeting today about social justice and our relationship with God. What, he asked, is the point in being angry with God? It achieves nothing.

Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes anger distracts from purpose, serves as an excuse for inaction. Being angry with God can be a convenient position to take. It can allow for one to distance oneself from any sense of personal responsibility from the cause or for the solution to an issue, and it can let one put up boundaries that hinder necessary healing.

But sometimes anger is the healthy option. It’s too easy to get caught up in the sense that ‘quakers are never angry’. Inner peace is often seen as a measure of success. Our quaker predecessors, however, used their inner disquiet in much the way that quakers and others are doing now, quietly but passionately all over the world, to heal and create change.

Shelia Bovell wrote in 1988 on the intense reactions she experienced on the loss of a much loved child.

A God we cannot be honest with is no God. If we bow the head and say, Thy will be done, when our heart is aflame with protest, we only increase our own pain.

This interpretation of a very real interaction with God speaks very clearly to me. Without real, honest communication with the divine, however you interpret it, how can you feel led to action in any meaningful way? Without truthfully, openly examining the darkest feelings and reactions I have to a situation, an issue, a leading, how can I freely and willingly give what’s required of me?

I spent much of last year (and this) screaming and crying at a God who refused to stop existing but couldn’t, or wouldn’t, make everything ok. When I paused for breath (and because I’d temporarily run out of hurtful, hateful things to say)I found I wasn’t weeping alone.

That certainty wasn’t a new feeling for me but it’s one I’ve found useful. From this experience I found new strength to fight my way through the pain and fear and discover what new paths it might take me on, what new challenges might be in my future and ultimately how I could use my my experience and my anger to make myself useful to others.

I intend to put my inner disquiet to good use, as a valuable tool alongside my inner peace. I invite all of you to do the same.

On being a Birthright Friend.

I got an interesting comment on my last post. Well actually I got several interesting comments, but the one that tickled the old grey cells most was this one;

interested to hear more about what’s different about
your views as a ‘birthright’ Friend, I didn’t realise that such a concept existed
anymore! {)}

Well you’re right of course! The concept is utterly irrelevant these days, and this is a Good Thing.

From quaker.org.uk (For those of you who think I’m making up words
here);

In the past children of Quaker parents automatically became
members of the Society and were known as “birthright Friends” but
nowadays this form of membership no longer exists.

The form of membership doesn’t exist but the phrase still remains. It’s not a ‘fossil’ because the original meaning and new meaning are still within common memory and usage respectively, but it’s verging on it. These days it’s only used as shorthand for ‘person who happened to be born into a Quaker family/meeting’ which is, I hope you’ll agree, arduous and clanky.

Not A Cult no. 30729.

I’m still working on a much longer post, but in the meantime this disproportionately amused me today! I downloaded Woodbrooke’s podcast series and imported them into Itunes, which ascribed its own genres to them as usual. One’s been left blank, one described as AvantGuarde, one easy listening, then we have blues, oldies and soul, but the second one is apparently ‘Cult’.

Bring on the goat!

Can anyone recommend any other good Quaker podcasts? Itunes bias optional but always good for a giggle!

“What canst thou say?” – A new blog.

The first post on a new blog is always tricky to write. How to convey a sense of purpose, set the tone of the blog, imply depth of feeling, intelligence or wittiness? In fact I’ve just spent a good hour staring at the screen failing dismally to write a thing.
So I give in. I’ll just tell you a bit about me and why I’m writing in this blog.

I’m April, otherwise known as Purpleduck. I’m in my mid (ish) twenties and I live in Scotland with my husband, Mr. Purpleduck, whose rather groovy blog is linked in the sidebar. I’m a librarian with a particular interest in Children’s librarianship and I read a great deal, not surprisingly! I’m also a Quaker, which admission is usually met with a joke about oats, surprise that we’re not all dead, confusion about whether this means I belong to a cult, or mixing quakers up with the Amish, JWs, Plymouth Brethren, Mormons, or the Shakers.

So why a new blog of shininess? I’m not sure! It seemed like the right thing to do! I wanted somewhere to write my quakerly ramblings in a more public place than I had been, and this seemed a good place to do it! Whether it IS a good idea or not remains to be seen of course!

I am a birthright Friend, which while it means little enough these days has left me with a slightly different view than Friends who were convinced later on. Of course no two of us have the same views, beliefs or spirituality anyway, but I think I just like the idea of publishing my thoughts as I travel my own spiritual path. Recording one small voice of a particular aspect of British quakerism in the twenty first century.

It should be fun. You’re very welcome to join me.